Run#hahaha tricked you into thinking i’ve accomplished something

“No one wants to hear about your failures.”

It’s probably true, but I’m tired of the might-as-well-give-up-on-this-too spiral.  So here I am.  Writing about how I’ve failed.  Again.

Will I have time tonight?  I just got invited on a weekend trip, and I plan to meet Twitter for dinner.

Excuses, excuses.  Line ’em up, predict what could possibly knock ’em down, and remove those things from your conscious memory.  EXCUSES FOREVER.

I need to remember to put on the outfit the moment I get home.  Once the clothes are on, I feel like too much of an asshole sitting on the couch and nursing a beer in workout clothes.  Like Rachel sitting around in her wedding dress.

Yeah. Friends reference.  I AM TOPICAL AS FUCK.

Self-motivation has always been some mysterious, mythical creature to me.  It’s as absent as my sense of direction, and other people just seem to HAVE it, or at least, the ability to acquire it.  I do nothing unless other people are relying on me to do it, and even then, I wait until the absolute last second.

No one I spend my time with gives a fuck if I live healthily.  Therefore, I don’t give a fuck if I live healthily.

Or, I do.  But.  Excuses.  They’re warm and soft and easy to curl up in.  Emotional hibernation.  How long am I going to stay wrapped up?

I’m so tired of nothing happening in my life, but…  I don’t know.

Normally when I feel like this, I hop a plane to visit the internet.  But that’s not exactly within my budget right now.

Besides, I just did that in September.  It’s obviously not as effective as it used to be.

I guess… that’s all, for now.  That’s all I’ve got in me.  Maybe I’ll find some inspiration later.  Maybe I’ll have a personality transplant and jump back on this horse with both feet forward WOW JESS THAT’S NOT REALLY HOW YOU JUMP ONTO A HORSE YOU SHOULD RETHINK YOUR METAPHOR SELECTIONS.

As it stands, though, I make no promises.  About running, OR metaphoring.

(god i’m so inspirational, club can’t even handle me right now)


5 thoughts on “Run#hahaha tricked you into thinking i’ve accomplished something

  1. Plan.

    Failing to plan is planning to fail. You already know when your other obligations are. Whether it’s before something or after something, decide when you want to do this on a week-to-week basis, with established “rest” days. ❤

    • I feel you on this, and I’ve wondered about it myself. The problem is… I know I tend to flip out when there’s a “schedule.” When suddenly I’m obligated by a mark on the calendar, and not just my own goals.

      I’ve just been afraid that making a solid schedule will only demotivate me further when I miss a day, thus pushing me over the edge and 100% giving up.

      I do plan to run tonight, and depending on where I’m staying this weekend, maybe Sunday, too. When I get back, I’ll see about making a schedule.

      • I plan how I prepare for the gym. As well, I plan how I’m going to recompress when I get home.

        Do you like naps? I like to tentatively ‘plan’ naps after I hit the gym. Whether I take them or not, knowing I have a nap in my future alleviates a bit of the “crap, I gotta block out alllllll this time and schedule this shit”. Especially when I was on a tighter schedule (tighter than a 12 year old), fitting in a 20 minute nap was a godsend.

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