Hi guys! Hi! HELLO!
We did the podcast. I haven’t uploaded it yet. I am the worst person.
No, I mean, I just lost all motivation to… be… not dead? I guess I was not as okay as I thought I was, or something, because I kind of stopped functioning and then went a week without eating and barely slept and now I’m here?
IT’S COOL THOUGH, GUYS. It’s cool. Everything’s fine now. I ate. I slept. I sobbed tears of relief into a wine glass full of Soylent and then later consumed an entire pizza and somehow managed to NOT shit my own asshole off of my body–IN FACT HAD ZERO DIGESTIVE ISSUES WTF BODY WHY CAN’T YOU WORK THAT WELL ALL THE TIME–and now I feel exactly the way I did BEFORE I didn’t eat for a week, except the pants I’ve had to forcefully squeeze into since I was 21 are now swimming on me.
But. BUT. IT’S COOL.
I didn’t stop eating on purpose, just FYI. My appetite sucks at existing when I’m stressed, and once I’ve stopped eating, it’s harder and harder to start again.
I haven’t made it THAT long without food since I was like, 20, and it was pretty goddamn terrifying, if we’re being real about it. WHICH WE ARE. I’m used to my body slowly deteriorating into dysfunction, but this time my brain stopped working, and I was not okay with that.
It was trippy as shit, y’all. I kept saying what I thought were words, but what actually came out was a jumble of meaningless syllables? I found myself looking around familiar places and feeling like I’d just been dropped into someone else’s dream. KNOWN TO PROFESSIONALS AS DISSOCIATION I GUESS LOL it might be fun if it’s elective, but since it wasn’t, it just made me feel panicky and claustrophobic.
Anyway. The whole thing was nuts and scary but I’m okay now. I’m great, actually.
Well. I’m okay. Ha ha.
Also, if I had abs, they would totes be showing right now. HASHTAG HEALTHY WEIGHT LOSS OPTIONS LOL JK 4 OUT OF 5 DOCTORS DO NOT RECOMMEND AND THE 5TH ONE IS DEAD.
Now that I find myself fully functional again, I feel the urge to keep the ball rolling and, like. Do stuff? Maybe run again? OR YOGA OR SOME SHIT I DON’T KNOW, whatever adults do when they’re motivated to Adult. So, prep yourself for some more shitty playlists, self-loathing, and procrastination posts.
Anyway! I promise to post the podcast this weekend. And you can hold me to that one. I am not giving up. I’M NOT GIVING UP.
Like it’s not even that bad a pilot, guys. IT’S NOT EVEN THAT BAD.
I should go into marketing, for real. “Product™! It’s fine, probably?!?”
OKAY BYE FOREVER