Jess Re-Learns to Read!!!

Hi everyone! I can’t read!!!

I read voraciously as a kid. Crushed books like they were Doritos that I left in my pocket again hey Jess stop putting loose Doritos in your pocket NO I WILL NOT BUT THANK YOU FOR THE SUGGESTION.

Continue reading

Advertisements

Sex Club Shenanigans: Pt. 2

So I went to a sex club.  And I cried a lot.

We left.  I cried some more.  We talked about it.  We tracked down some cheese curds, and because cheese is my life, my mood did a complete 180.  Then we decided to go back in a couple weeks.

Continue reading

I Went to a Sex Club and Only Cried Once, Pt 1

Posting this publicly is making me shit 100% of the bricks in the entire world.

The title is not a lie, so if you don’t want to read about me going to a sex club, TURN BACK NOW.   That said, this is about as tame as it gets.  Like, if you’re picturing some 50 Shades shit, calm yo ass.  It’s mostly just me describing articles of clothing and referring to sex as “banging.”

Aight.  You’re still here?  And thus, presumably, not related to me?   Good.

Continue reading

Marijuana Doesn’t Actually Cure Everything?!

(My titling game is as strong as ever, obvi.)

Hi guys!  GUESS WHAT?

Shortly after quitting social media, I got STUPIDLY SICK FOR 2 WEEKS.

Which means, on top of giving up my internetzzzz, I also gave up smoking and drinking and marijuana which I guess is also smoking, except I use a vaporizer, so.  SO.

Basically, 100% of my bandages were torn off simultaneously, due to circumstance.  IT WAS GREAT, and by great I mean terrible, and by terrible I mean not that bad, actually!

Continue reading